EFM's Hans von Hozel Weekly Challenge Collection
by E-F-M
Summary: All the sillinesses in one places. Week 12 did a wrongly. No vikings but Eric has a pet.
1. Merlotte's Makes Boring

**A/N: All characters from the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Ms Charlaine Harris.**

**Danube in all forms is the creation of Hans von Hozel.**

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><p>One day Merlotte's was empty.<p>

"Here is boring my tears" say Sookie.

Tara screamed a parking lot when Sookie and Sam in the door squeezed through and danubed outside.

"Ha ha" say Tara when from the night sky came a Great Plenty following some screaming monkeys which ate Sam.

Alongside Sookie came Eric with a willing to show his Trophy Closets with Lycra stretched.

'Pink making the girls wink?' quested Sookie to The Eric of Swedens.

Suddenly, Jason!

"Hooowl!" Rushed in Jason and bited a bite of The Great Plenty before the moon came up and Calvin gave him a brick on the head top.

"Is no see, only do" Sookie say as kisses The Plenty better.

Blonde Bonded saw stars too then wented like a rocket off to Fangtasia.

Sookie's Ladys-Particulars made a sadly.

"Nooo Eric!" Sookie yell very annoy, "My love you my own and you cannot leave now!"

To the aiding runs Bill.

"Sookeh, MINE!" hollowed Bill. Sookie's clothes felt off and she ran in the arms of Bill before it rained.

Eric was incensed at Bill and gestucked him with woodly stake.

Sookie declared Eric her tattoo promising him a total monotony and showed a small plastic sticklet with big geplus mark on it.

Six months later, Sookie and her quadriplets had none sleeplings with King Eric making Carrie-OK in Fangtasia all nights.

Pam eated one of the babies for it made sick in The Louboutins.

"Eric! Pam ated Baby Alex!" Sookie explained to Eric.

Eric eye-rollinged the Pam before he danubed a flash of The Plenty. Sookie forgot why she angered at The Eric of Swedens and they made some Abba on the DJ.

Sookie say to Tara "I am spawned off men for life!"


	2. The Hair of the Dog

**Hans von Hozel Weekly One-Shot Challenge**

**Week 2: Jannalynn**

**A/N: Charlaine Harris danubed all these characters from the Southern Vampire Mysteries. Suddenly! I made a borrowing. **

**Danube in all forms is the creation of Hans von Hozel.**

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><p>The Jannalynn was serving The Wheres in the Hair of the Dog.<p>

'It's fun to make Where drunklings' say a happy Jannalynn.

Suddenly Sookie!

'NOOOOOO' screeched Jannalynn.

'The Sookie garmented in bad fashions and comings here in My Bar!' she say.

Sookie geflashed many crazy teeth at Jannalynn.

Angry Jannalynn pull the Sookie upstairs.

'Make quicklets into cloths more appropriate this minuet' shout Jannalynn and push Sookie into the closets.

The Sookie shuttered.

Jannalynn danubed her bestest silver dress with gematching silver straplet shoes on The Sookie.

'Come Sookie! You make stunning now like MTV. Drinklets lots for you' explain Jannalynn.

She hosed the Sookie over her shoulders making stairs down to the bar.

Bar Wheres gave snifflets at The Sookie.

The Sookie smelted of sunshine and honeyness and steaklets tartar.

'YIP YIP!' commandeered the Jannalynn

GLOOP! RIP! SNASH! BITED!

'Hmpff,' skriekened Jannalynn, 'The Sookie spoil my best dresslet all ruined with fairy blood'

Jannalynn becombed so annoyed.

She determined to teaching That Sookie her lessons.

Suddenly! LEAP!

The Jannalynn made a launch as a Space Shuttle and creaked The Sookie's skull with fistlets clenched.

Sookie heaped to the floor dead.

'HA!,' say Jannalynn, 'Teaching you to danube into my bar gefrocked with hideous fashions!'.


	3. Not Mission Impossibles

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris, Tom Cruises belongs to Hollywood. Danube in all forms is the creation of Hans von Hozel.**

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><p>One night Tom Cruises drived through Bon Temps.<p>

'Hmmm I have thirsty' Tom smacked lips.

Tom made ups and downs in car but sadly no Church of Chartered Scientists anywheres to be seen.

Suddenly Merlotte's!

Sookie sits him with Iced Teas and Burgers lots.

Everyone sees the Tom and soon all the ladies-particulars make a happy. Some mens too.

Tom made skippings around the Merlotte's with smiles and Aviator Shades.

He kiss with tongues old Maxine then jumplet the Sookie on couches.

'I enough had' screech Sam.

RING! RING!

'Come quick!' explain Sam on The Vamp-Fon.

Bill finish his Sudoku before rushed to The Shifter's to see what fuss for.

Tom Cruise! Bill's Hero!

'Tom! I your Number One Fan' say Bill as tries makes a glamour of the Tom.

Before Bill have chance to do film quotients from Interview with a Vampire, Tom smile his bestest Scientistic smile and push autographic pen stake in Bill.

'HA!' say Tom to ashes 'Oscar for me!'.

Tom skip run. Exit stage left.

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><p>Sookie made crying at funeral Bill.<p>

'There, there' smirked Eric.

'I cheer you. We go home and makelet some danubes on Afgan.'

After Sookie all wored out and laying with ices-pack, Eric put on DVD.

Eric made a joie de vivre happy for closing credits of Mission Impossible 14.

He always do a happiness seeing 'Executive Producer - Leif Ericson'.

'Hmmm' say Eric all fangy 'Sookie-time!'


	4. Bookie v's Sookeh

**Hans Von Hozel Challenge Week 6: Book Sookie meets Show Sookie. **

**All characters belong to Charlaine Harris and an explanation of danube, created by Hans von Hozel, can be found on Urban Dictionary.**

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><p>Sookie makes cry on Charlaine shoulder.<p>

'Why you gived me away like cheap beer?' angered The Sookie.

'I maked blindness greedy at moneys pots. Forgives me!' begness Charlaine. She has crys.

'Fixes it myself. Quicklet!' say the Sookie.

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><p>On set. Suddenly Sookie!<p>

'Sam clothings on! Tara and nobodies (makes a look at you Jesus) fired!'

_Good. Good. Good_. Chantings her mind.

Now finale!

'Name wrongness! All wrongness' explain Bookie to Sookeh.

'Fucking fatness fairy' screech Sookeh to Bookie.

Bookie snap. Slap! Slap! Slap!

'No slap Beel. I loves him' sigh Sookeh.

The Bookie will to live is going. _Love Eric. Love Eric. Love Eric. _

'Why?' Bookie ask.

The Sookeh has stunned.

'Hmmm... not know' puzzled The Sookeh.

'Here make a read. Nowhere danubing until readed!' explain Bookie doing aim of Benelli.

Oh! Shameness! Suddenly Telepathic Bookie has understand!

Eyes big pop.

'Mr Ball no learn reading and no wonders poor parrots screeching always like pterodactyls!'

Distraughted with humiliations that secrets in open, him runs to Burkina Faso.

_One made down, one to go_.

'All finish!' say the Sookeh.

She pick pointy and danubed new script. All Sookieness all the time. All happys except Beel.

'Lycra? Shower!' Eric eyebrows.

'Mess I has sorted! ' glees Bookie.

Bookie and Sookie sharing crazy smiles each other and togethers,

**'I am Sookie – hear me roar!**'.


	5. Abbyness is a Llama Called Fangtik

**A/N: Oopsy! I made cross-over of HvH & WOS challenges so no Vikings here, just Eric with a pet.**

**All characters (except Fangtik) are belong to Charlaine Harris. Danube in all forms is the creation of Hans von Hozel.**

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><p>The Eric of Swedens was want the Sookie of Bon Temps for some sexy fun times.<p>

This danube hard as Sookie made telepathy in head, so glamourous no possible.

"PAM!" explained the Eric, "What Dear Abbyness say for best making woo of blood-bag womens?"

_Not this again_, thoughted Pam.

"I will make an investigate, Master" say the Pam bowed low so Erics not see evil grinness.

Pam enough had of Mooing-Eyeballs Eric but Sookie a tough knut to crack.

Suddenly! Bill!

After much nicey-niceness of Pam to Bill in effort extraction of Sookie-telligence, Pam lightbulb!

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><p>Fangtik Llama love his new home.<p>

Daddy Eric smelted oddliness and left him on his llama-lonesome many hours of day-lights, but Fangtik had a happy on for Daddy Eric and made fightings with him when he up woked. Eric made a win always of fightings as he fast and flewed. Fangtik gotted many head-butts on the Eric now and thenly.

Fangtik Llama alert! Intruder in secret house of Daddy Eric!

"Here kitty,kitty" whisper-singing intruder.

Fangtik spit, ram, wrestle, kick. Intruder collapsed a heap on floor.

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><p>Dusk danubed Shreveport.<p>

Sookie, Pam and Bill made a rushing to The Eric's house.

"Fangtik concussioned Bubba then orgled him!" screech the Eric.

"Llamas viscious and all nastinesses. FINAL DEATH!" yell Bill.

Sookie finally see Bill and have a horror. Making a pretend of stake giving to Bill, Sookie give stake to Bill.

_This is right, this is best_, thinked Eric.

_Not cleaning rug_, mused the Pam.

"Mwa, mwa" speak Fangtik Llama.

Sookie made ear pettings of Fangtik Llama.

Eric danubed his Fangtik Llama all genius.

_Soon now Sookie let me pets her llama_, he smirked.

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><p><em>Thanks to those nice people at Urban Dictionary for supplying the inspiration (and most of the content) for last line of this chapter:)<em>

_Seriously, go look up llama on urban dictionary!_


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